Friday August 25, 2006

The Final Insult

According to recent Nielsen numbers, the shrinking city of New Orleans has fallen 11 spots to become the nation’s 54th largest media market. Since the ability to influence advertising and television programming is one of our few remaining freedoms, I think this is sad. And it will be bad for TV.

As a result of the new rankings, buttoned-down burgs like Oklahoma City and Wilkes-Barre will now exert a greater influence on the developing fall schedule than the Big Easy. This cannot be right, and I don’t see why we have to sit by and watch Mother Nature gerrymander the ratings system that has served us so well for so long. I would like to urge four media markets to each step forward and pledge 26,043 of their television households to New Orleans, restoring the city to its rightful place as the country’s 43rd largest media market—right in front of Las Vegas. I mean, Las Vegas already has a CSI!

If the Nielsen people won’t go for this—and of course they won’t—there is a workaround. We just need to smuggle five People Meters into New Orleans. Just five. That’s all. And for the best impact on programming, I propose that all five be smuggled out of Salt Lake City. Come on, people. Are you with me?